im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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