he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
