I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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