Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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