I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
