Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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