I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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