Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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