I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
