I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize