but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
