She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
