Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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