my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
