I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
