this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
