So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
