very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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