I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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