he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
