We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
