I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
