Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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