Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize