How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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