I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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