If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
