It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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