Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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