she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
