I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
