i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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