i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
