thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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