I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
