the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
