this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
