This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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