me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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