JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
