they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are the jesus of drinking
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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