I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
