I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
