I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
