69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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