did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
