Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
