I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
