you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Mom said you looked used
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
