I'm gonna have a badass scar
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
