Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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