I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i out mim tonsoeep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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