I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
