yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
