lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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