drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
