Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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