So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
