she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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