Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
