You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
