So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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