just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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