His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
