My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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