this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
pop tarts are not kleenex
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize