But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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