your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
