Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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