OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
