you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
