i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize