maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
