you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
