listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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