he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
