The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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