man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
